Abundance is Everywhere

I recently had an opportunity to take a 31-day trip touring the United States. It was amazing! It was such a unique vacation. My wife and I took our 3 children out of school and left it all behind. One of the most interesting things we did was take a large stack of $2 bills. To each bill we attached a small note that said: “It’s been said that finding a $2 bill brings good luck. Here’s to you having a great day!” We then proceeded to drop them all over the place, at gas stations, hotel lobbies, theme parks, and museums. We would watch in stealth as the person picked it up, read the note, and got a smile on their faces. It was so much fun! What we observed was very interesting, and I would like to share it with you.

Would You Pick Up the $2 Bill?

The interesting thing about it was how often people resisted the money. There were three common results. Most of the time people would walk right over it. Sometimes even stepping on the $2 bill and not noticing it. On average it took 3-4 people to walk over it for it to get picked up. Many times people would even see it and not bother to bend down and get it! It was shocking! Why not? A very interesting question. Sometimes people would pick it up read the note and try to find who it belonged to, someone else who deserved it more than them.

What is Your Initial Reaction to Opportunity?

How often do we walk over money and not even notice it? How many times a day are there opportunities that we don’t even notice because we are not paying attention? This is one of the ways that abundance shows up when we finally decide to tap into it. It’s not that all of a sudden there is more abundance in the world, it is just that we notice it more.

How often do we see an opportunity and not even bother to bend down and pick it up? Is it really that hard to pluck low hanging fruit? Will it really take so much out of our day that we will no longer get to where we are going? Even if we don’t get where we are going sometimes isn’t that a good thing? I am guessing that one of the roadblocks to “picking up the $2 bill” is “What will people think, who will judge me for seeking abundance, there must be a catch…” We all get to choose to either have abundance in our lives or let what others think determine our actions.

Be One of the Few Who is Willing To Do What it Takes

Lastly how often do we find an opportunity and push it away. Do we sometimes feel that we don’t deserve it, that it must be meant for someone else, that we are not important enough to have everything we want in life? The truth is this: Wealth and abundance comes to those who are willing to do what it takes to get it. Be one of those who is willing to do what it takes. Tap in to the abundance that is everywhere, and notice the abundance of opportunities. When you do notice the opportunities don’t be afraid to take a little risk and bend down and pick it up. When you find abundance big or small thank god for your blessings and use it. You deserve it, you are worth it, it was put there for you to enjoy it.

Self-Improvement Tips : How to Overcome Shyness

What are some good books and personal growth in order to establish the books?

I just need some good books self improvement and books on goal.

Self Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson Meditations of Marcus Aurelius

Using Fire Pits to Meditate on Innovation in Self Improvement

No matter what it is that you are trying to change about your life or yourself, fire pits can be used a powerful symbol of just how revolutionary innovation can be in an individual’s life. Changing yourself on a personal level is never easy, thanks in part to how difficult it is to see what the answers are when you are part of the problem. However, there are few challenges in life that cannot be overcome or at least circumvented once you have viewed the challenge from the proper perspective.

This is why innovation plays such a key role in self improvement, and getting a solid grasp of what innovation is and where it comes from often plays an essential role in learning how to move forward as a human being. Fire pits are a particularly poignant example of just how much of a complete game changer innovation can be to both a person and an entire society.

Although it is difficult to think of a time in which man was able to survive without the use of fire, anthropologists have indicated that our ancestors probably survived for thousands of years without the use of fire. No one knows for sure, but it seems likely man’s use of fire began when some innovative early man tended the flames that he had taken from a forest fire or lightning strike and figured out how to keep the fire alive. Through this simply act of innovation, nothing was ever the same again. Man learned how to warm himself and cook his meals over the fire and, eventually, how to start new fires of his own.

When it comes to self improvement, the metaphor of the innovation of fire is particularly apt. It is often just the shortest glimpse of brilliance that leads to a small innovation in a person’s life that can lead to an absolute revolution in how a person thinks about life and interacts with the world around him. When taking a moment to meditate about the revolutionary nature of innovation beside the flames of fire pits, we can have the opportunity to think about what similar innovations we have discovered during the course of our own lives that completely changed the ways that we think and live in the world. As a result, fire pits provide an excellent reminder that both self improvement and innovation come from thinking outside of the box and learning how to cross our personal boundaries.

Self-Improvement Tips : How to Overcome Shyness

What do you think about using hypnosis for self improvement?

I've seen these things around and many people I know are very suspicious thereof. The class I do not blame them, but I personally was thinking of seeing some of these things to try to understand me better sub conscious.

I it's a good thing. I've seen people lose weight and quit smoking by hypnosis. good luck

Stress - An Overview of the Causes of Stress

The causes of stress range from major life changes such as a birth or death, to daily frustrations such as a difficult commute. Each of the different causes of stress can have a slightly different effect on your mind and body. Of course, the effect of the external stressor is also mediated by your internal characteristics such as attitude, belief system, mood, and level of openness.

Major life changes are obvious stressors. Even if the change is perceived as positive, such as a new baby or marriage, you will have to adjust to differences in every aspect of your life. Negatively perceived stressors can have an even greater effect. Major life changes include birth, death, serious illness, moving, changing jobs or schools, marrying or living together, and divorce. Although these causes do have great impact, the positive side is that they are recognized as stressful by others and they are relatively short-term in comparison to some other causes.

Traumatic experiences such as natural disasters, war, child abuse, domestic violence, and rape are both short and long-term cause of stress. When the event happens, the acute effects may be so great that you are unable to cope with them. Many people who experience trauma do not fully progress through the stages of grief; instead they remain stuck in shock and denial. In this case, the effects of the trauma are long-term, like a thorn constantly irritating your mind. Like other causes of stress, trauma can result in mental disturbances such as depression and anxiety, as well as physical conditions such as muscle and joint pain, irritable bowel syndrome, or multiple allergies.

Chronic pain or illness is another of the long-term causes of stress. Its effects build over time and, like water dripping on a rock, it wears down the body and the mind unless steps are taken to overcome it. For example, if you have diabetes you must be constantly watchful of your blood sugar and be aware of all the factors that can affect it such as what and when you eat, how much you exercise, illness whether minor or major, and other causes of stress. Worrying about your diabetes can, in itself, make the stress worse!

Another long-term stress cause is an unpleasant workplace. You may have one or more co-workers with whom you are in constant conflict. If your job is boring or distasteful you may dread going to work each day. Work issues are especially stressful if they are combined with financial hardship. When you live in constant fear of being evicted or being unable to pay your bills, knowing that you absolutely must go to work can lead to feelings of being trapped in a hopeless cycle. Perceiving a serious threat, your body reacts with its usual stress response, releasing hormones that increase your heart and breathing rate, as well as muscle tension, while reducing the activity of your digestive system, reproductive system, and kidneys.

Similarly, problems within the family can be significant causes of stress. For example, if you have a rebellious child who is experimenting with drugs, frequent fights with your significant other, an unfaithful spouse, or a child with a disability, you will experience the stress response on a daily basis, possibly for long periods of time. Like chronic illness, the problems in your workplace or home can cause deterioration of your physical condition as well as mental and emotional changes such as apathy, hopelessness, and depression.

An important cause of stress that is sometimes overlooked is sexuality. From puberty onwards, you may experience stressful sexual situations. For example, losing your virginity, feeling sexually unattractive, difficulty achieving arousal or orgasm, and impotence are issues that can cause significant short or long-term stress.

Every stressor has two components, the external and the internal. An external cause of stress is either outside ourselves (such as work or trauma) or a natural aspect of being human (such as sexuality). Internal causes of stress refer to characteristics of your mind that influence whether or not you perceive an external event as a threat – personality, belief system, and attitudes. You can usually change or at least influence the internal causes, while some external causes of stress can be changed but others cannot.

Self-Improvement Tips : How to Overcome Shyness

What are the five best books to read (spiritual, poltical, self improvement, food for thought) a good thing?

"The Great Warming: Climate Change and the rise and fall of civilizations, "Brian Fagan" God is Not Great "by Christopher Hitchens." People's History of the United States: 1492 to Present "by Howard Zinn" Good Medicine, Great Sex! "By David R. Ford" Raw Food for 1 or straightforward 2 people "by Jennifer Cornbleet

I Don't Believe in "I Can't"

The people at my software engineering job think I’m completely nuts. Well, maybe only one of them, but others stare blankly with wide eyes and gaping mouths whenever I tell them what I am up to. It’s not that I am crazy- I just have a unique way of doing things. I am trying to make life work for me by “engineering” solutions. I don’t believe in “I can’t…”

I believe in obstacles both real and imaginary that we put in front of ourselves. How many times have you heard people say you can’t do something or it’s not safe? I’m not talking about jumping out of a plane without a parachute here! – just normal things people actually DO all of the time. Take risks. I had to deal with people’s objections to my decision to travel to Peru for 6 weeks. “You can’t go alone.” “You don’t even know Spanish.” And of course my personal favorite: “But you are a girl!” Well, thanks for letting me know I’m a girl! That changes everything!

So many times in our lives we are told that we just can’t do things. From getting into a school to getting a dream job, the naysayers are always there. We hear discouraging responses when you try to do something you believe in, something are passionate about, something out of the “ordinary”. We are told we can’t do something because we won’t be financially secure, we won’t have anyone to take care of us, or it’s just not safe. It’s no wonder we’ve pushed our dreams aside to be safe, comfortable and bored. During my trip I did just about everything the health clinic professionals and my friends advised me against.

Right when I landed and made it through customs, I was met by a local Peruvian I found through couch surfing and arranged to pick me up through instant messaging and emails. We walked out of the airport and away from the airport to catch a cab. Did I mention it was 2am? All I kept thinking was, “unsafe, unsafe, unsafe…” But when we got in the cab and drove down to the rundown outskirts of Lima. At that point I heard every voice of every one of my friends and family in the back of my head – “This is dangerous”… “You should not be here!”. But at that point all I could do was move forward and trust my judgments. During my time there I drank the water I was told not drink, I walked down dark alleys I was told not to walk down, I tried to hitchhike when I was told not to, and ate from street vendors which I was told to avoid.

What’s the key?

Minimize risk! But… how?

First, the key to any risk is RESEARCH. No, I did not plan ANY part of my trip, but I did do research on how I was going to travel, both where I was going to stay and how I would get around. I also thought about being outside at night and sewed a pocket inside of my pant leg big enough for my camera and passport. So, unless someone robbed me and ran off with my old jeans, my valuables would be safe.

I even thought up a backup plan in case I didn’t get my pick-up from the airport: I was going to stay in the airport for the entire 6 weeks. Luckily, I didn’t have to fall back on that plan and had the most amazing time of my life! My trip did have some panic filled moments but it was worth it! And I am out to do it again- only for an extensive trip! What kinds of objections have other people had to what you are doing and how are you overcoming those objections?

Read the rest at http://nicholecarlson.com/

Self-Improvement Tips : How to Overcome Shyness

Would you suggest a good management / Self Improvement book?

Hello everyone, I wonder if you know of a good book or two that I can read. I I'm trying to be a better steward to improve my management skills and communication skills. I hope to be a strong leader someday. I've read enough Some books self improvement and do not mind reading several more. Thanks for your time.

treat these two The First-Time Manager by Loren B. Becoming Belker A manager Successful: How to make a smooth transition of personnel administration to lead others by Jack H. Grossman

On Being Molested

I was molested as a child. Several times. By two different babysitters, (I was 4 and 6) and twice by extended family members. (Once when I was 7, and I’ll talk more about that one later because it had the most devastating effect on my psyche, and once when I was twelve) I am now admitting and writing about this because these events affected my entire life growing up. These experiences also had a profound effect on how I viewed my personal worth as a human being.

When you’re four years old, and you are molested, the experience is more of a sensational curiosity to you. You have no real idea that what’s being done is wrong, except that it just feels wrong and for the secrecy on the part of the perpetrator. He or she acts secretive. So that’s what gives you, the victim, the sense that it’s wrong. Guilt ensues. When you’re six years old, while you still have the sense that it needs to be kept secret, you now have a sense of your sexuality. You also begin to sense this type of activity will “get” you attention.

In my article “When Did I Learn My Personal Worth?” – If we as individuals learn from an early age that our feelings don’t matter, that our “needs” are not met nor are they a priority, and we get “lost in the crowd” of other siblings, we form beliefs about ourselves. These beliefs instill in us that we are unimportant. That we don’t really matter. At least not much. Even our concept of our own personal safety may be in question.

When I was seven years old, my parents left me and my little sister in the care of some older teenage cousins while they and my aunt and uncle went out. Very late, one of my older male cousins came to my sleeping bag and got me up and over to the couch. He was 13 years old and basically “went through the motions” of a sexual act with me. This was the most detailed I had ever been molested, and while I had no idea what he was doing, I definitely felt that whatever it was, was wrong! But to me, that wasn’t the worst part. When he was finished, he put me back to bed and leaned down, kissed me on my cheek and quietly said “Pray to God to forgive us!” I felt like the sky had fallen in! At that very moment, the guilt I felt made me feel like the worst human being who ever lived!

That single event caused me to believe that I was very “bad” and probably didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone! I felt shame, guilt and that I had the “wrath of God” on me for the next 48 years! Needless to say, I became very promiscuous during my teenage years because I felt so worthless as a human being, that in order to feel any value at all, I had to do what boys wanted me to do.

However, a few years ago, I experienced the biggest emotional breakthrough of my life. I had a very kind person work with me using the art of NLP that included some specific NLP processes. I learned that behind every behavior there is a positive intention – not necessarily an appropriate intention, but positive to the person doing the behavior. What “was in it” for those that molested me? Not immediately being able to ask them outright all I can do is assume that either they were molested themselves and they felt that this behavior was “normal”, and / or they needed to feel “loved” in some perverted way and chose me to help them do that. Can I forgive them for it? I can now. It could have been much worse for me. They could have killed me and threw me in a hole somewhere but didn’t. So for that I am grateful. I have my life.

In reality, that kind of behavior perpetrated on a victim, either at random or a specifically chosen victim because he or she is “convenient”, can take years, even a lifetime to overcome the hurtful effects.

It comes down to this: When a person “molests” another, and the word “molest” is too kind of a word, he or she takes something that is the most precious to the victim. Their dignity is stripped from them – against their will – by having their most personal, private parts used for the perpetrator’s own selfish gratification. The result is the victim’s sense of personal value, his or her very worth as a human being is stolen in such a careless, ruthless manner. The victim then has to redefine his or her “self” and the world around them from that point on. One of two things can happen: Either they eventually go “in search” of love, and that can be an artificial love through multiple unsatisfying sex partners, or they become so introverted out of fear of this indignity being perpetrated on them again that they often have difficulty trusting another person or allowing themselves to commit to any kind of rel ationship.

But the victim also has another choice: The choice to not REMAIN a victim!

He or she had the traumatic experience or experiences forced on them by being taken advantage of by another person or persons who were mentally or emotionally incapable of finding love, feeling loved or showing love. They are essentially handicapped in this manner, “hobbling” around like they are crippled, which they are. People who force their will on others have many more “issues” than sexually assaulting another. Did I “ask” for those experiences to occur in my life? Absolutely not! Did I do something to give these persons reason to think I “wanted” it to happen? Absolutely not! Was it my fault? A resounding absolutely not! Where are these people today? One is divorced from his wife, in his 60’s and trying to “find himself”, living a very lonely life. The other is lying in a hospital bed, dealing with drug addiction and other health issues resulting from a life long use of drugs and alcohol. I however, am left standing, happy, productive, and have many people who love and care for me! The babysitters? I have no idea.

In order to function as a productive, normal, resourceful human being, I had to realize that these people who “molested” me are “sick”, albeit emotionally and mentally, but sick nonetheless. There is nothing at all wrong with me. I have the right, and always have, of being treated with dignity, respect for my body, mind and feelings, and of loving and being loved. I deserve to “take up space” in this world simply because I am! With the benefit of NLP, I have let it go.

Self-Improvement Tips : How to Overcome Shyness

What should be the opposite of a book on self improvement?

Right now this is the last thing I want to read on … So what should I get? Some Nietzsche or something?

Bilble Bible Bible not bad bad sucks hahahahahahaha

Grief Coping

Just this week, my wife Julie did some grief coping work on the 10th anniversary of her brother’s death in a construction accident.

She chose to work with her therapist for two hours to create a ritual for today’s work around her grief.

Grief coping does mean we acknowledge anniversary re-awakenings of our grief.

My first strong exposure to my own mortality happened when my father died in 1971 when I was 23, and I still have pangs of sadness about his and my mom and brothers deaths many years later.

I honor those pangs when they come up, which means I might let the tears flow for a moment, and feel the regrets of what we missed, and then maybe I enter into some anger about what did happen, simply feeling and observing this particular grief process as it happens.

However, I do not want to let my feelings push me to jump on a plane to Kansas, where they are buried, to wander our old haunts and long for them.

Grief coping means just being aware of feelings and thoughts and thinking them and feeling those feelings.

It is important not to let the feelings drive behaviors.

For instance, when Julie is remembering Dean, and sharing of her loss, I need to remember to listen, as a companion listens, rather than begin sharing about my losses.

So grief coping might also involve being a companion to someone experiencing grief.

So grief coping for me does involve some awareness of my internal experience and feeling it.

I also have created some rituals in regards to the losses I have experienced, such as acknowledging in my daily prayer and meditation that I still remember, and ask that they watch over us.

When we do get to visit Kansas, I make it a point to visit their graves, and do grief work there.

I want to make sure that my grief does not impact my ability to be present to my own children now.

Grief Coping in December

You might think that December references would be in regard to the Christmas holidays.

For me I feel more melancholy because of the shorter days, so I look forward to the Winter Solstice, and really look forward to the beginnings of longer days.

In fact, as the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays approach, I begin to anticipate longer days for all the months between the Winter Solstice and the Fall Equinox, about nine months away.

Change the thought to change the feelings, and that thinking process helps me to remember the Cycle of Life, and perhaps even wonder about the purpose of it all.

Ritual can be an important part of grief coping, and you certainly see that in our personal and State funerals, and I have been part of many spontaneously created funerals in process groups, where we used available tools to represent parts of the funeral process so that a group member could tap into the full range of emotions surrounding the loss, and realize that the emotions do not last forever, nor will you get lost in the intensity.

For example, several years back, I had a client who was in the process of a divorce which he did not expect to happen, and he was struggling to give up the ideal image he had of marriage, so he brought a picture representing the ideal marriage and we burned it and buried the ashes in a flower pot outside under the night sky, with a bit of prayer, and focus, and the ceremony we spontaneously created was very helpful to his acceptance process.

I have pictures of my mom and dad on my dresser, with my dad’s watch and blue bottle that was part of my mom’s personal effects, and when I look at them, I remember to honor their memory, if only briefly, to remember their struggle.

I have planted trees over the years to create a living memorial to people and times in my life. As I nurture the growth of the tree, I can know that it will benefit life with its beauty through its life. They do grow so rapidly.

If a living memorial could be appropriate for you, planting a tree or a bulb which renews every year is a wonderful way to commemorate a life. Thanks, and may the wind always be at your back.

Self-Improvement Tips : How to Overcome Shyness

What Self Help Books improvement had a more positive effect for the desired objectives and change?

After watching Larry King show last night on "The Secret" I am interested in what other people have read about self improvement to gain more success and fulfillment in life. The secret that seems to be repetitive as helping other methods of self more "Law of Attraction" written on the principles of all Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, Norman V Peal, The magic of belief and, of course, the Bible is full of "Ask and you shall receive." Of course things are not always as simple to everyone, especially the mind set of people are unique and what works for one does not necessarily beneficial to others. There are so many self-help method of books and DVDs out there, so I'd like to see what you have used that fact to change the real life progress and helped improve their finances, relationships, goals, work, whatever

I have not read much, but I did like "Your Erroneous Zones" by Wayne Dyer.

Self Rehabilitation to Stop Alcohol Addiction

It is really terrible when I heard that alcohol is one of killer for people. Most of alcoholic die tragically. There are many cases that are noted nowadays. Every year, people who die because of alcohol have increased. It can be ignored by society.

Some people say that it is very difficult to be free from alcohol. It is just like you stuck with the alcohol content and you cannot do anything except drink and drink again. Actually, people have power to stop it. If they have strong willingness to quit, the result will be good.

You can quit from this dangerous addiction drinking by asking support from your family. I know that you cannot do it by yourself. You need them to protect and give advice. They will give you a chance to return from dark place.

Beside that, try to find activity that will make you busy. The important point here is preparing your activity positively. You can visit health club to do yoga, or sport. Research has proved that positive activity will keep people’s mind positive. You will forget to drink alcohol.

It is better for you to continue your healing by creating anti alcohol club. You can ask you friend to join your club. You can try to make preventive alcohol program for many people. You can socialize it together in many ways such as seminar, newspaper, magazine, internet, and other ways.

You will not be a patient in alcohol rehabilitation if you can handle it by yourself. Basically, to get rid of alcohol comes from your intention. If you believe that you can heal and back to your previous life, you can do it. I know it is not easy, but you can make it step by step.

Do not ever give up to be free from alcohol. You have to quit as fast as possible. Your intention needs strong effort. Sooner or later, you will get the best result. Fortunately, you can do your normal activity successfully.

Love and Appreciate Others

I wonder how often we stop and appreciate the people in our lives. Do we look beyond all the stuff that comes with friendships and relationships to the point that we love and appreciate the folk God has placed in our lives?

We have to remember that we are in other folks lives too; along with all our issues and mess. So when we start complaining about the folk in our lives and what they do to us; we have to remember it goes both ways. There is always going to be somebody that just rubs you the wrong way. There is going to be someone that just doesn’t like you; for whatever reason. I have seen jealousy turn people inside out. That insecurity in their life that caused them to be jealous of everybody around them was controlling their every relationship. There will be people in your life that seem to always treat you wrong; for what may appear to be no reason. We may not know the reason, but in their mind there is a plain, easy to see reason.

The way to diffuse this situation is to appreciate and love everyone in our life. Do not take the negative words, actions or thoughts personal. Agreed, it is easier said than done, but when we practice appreciation and love every day, it does become easier and easier. Start by looking at the world from their perspective; there is a reason they see things they way they do. There is possibly a hurt, a disappointment, a rejection that is causing their way of behavior. Look past the outward stuff and look on the inside; this will give you a new perspective and appreciation for them. Not saying we should feel sorry for folk; we all got issues and stuff, but to have an understanding, an appreciation, and love for others. The way to get past all the defensive and offensive stuff they throw at us is to appreciate and love them. Just remember there is someone that is doing the same for us.

For more information go to http://www.scottwimberly.com

Learning to Control Anger - 3 Methods

Controlling anger is not just a matter of practicing the methods which are being taught. Knowing is very different from acting. And we all know that when talking about anger, how you act will determine the outcome. So you want to learn to control anger? There are various ways that you can go about it. For some all it takes is a simple technique that they can use, while others require more.

Imagine that your anger is a big untrained dog. Since your dog is still untrained it still somewhat does not recognize you as it master. Meaning you will need to train him/her in order to establish yourself as owner. Now let’s say you will be taking your dog to the park, which means it will be meeting other dogs as well as people along the way, so in order to keep your dog under control you will need to put it on a leash.

Now it does not matter whatever the color, thickness, design, or length of the leash is, what matters is that it will hold your dog, allow you to direct it where you want it to go, and prevent it from causing trouble in the process. Un-managed anger is like a dog without a leash; it will cause trouble, wreak havoc, and bite you as well in the end. So if you want to prevent this dog called anger from causing you problems, you will need to learn to control it. Just to give you an idea, here are a few “leashes” that you can use:

Recognize and admit your anger: The first step in learning to control your anger is recognizing that it is there and admitting to it. Be it in the physiological or physical aspect, getting to know the signs as it comes up will help you avoid a lot of unwanted circumstances which can stem from it in the future. Be honest about what you are feeling, do not try to hide or stop it in any way, anger is a normal emotion, there is no need to feel ashamed or guilty about it.

Calm down: Before the provoking issue can be dealt with it is important that you reduce the intensity of the angry feeling by calming yourself first. Find techniques that will help you in achieving this and practicing them when the need arises. Counting to ten, taking a time out, getting a warm bath or taking a shower, exercise, meditation, and more – explore your options and practice those that work.

See the whole picture: There are so many reasons that can be given when it comes to the things that can provoke our anger. But most of them arise from misunderstandings or the lack thereof. By taking the time to understand what is happening better by asking questions, and digging deeper into what is being discussed you will be able to resolve conflicts without having to step on someone’s foot.

Learning to control anger is not easy, but it is very possible. By getting to know more about the techniques and rationalities behind each anger management information that you encounter, you will be able to gain a deeper understanding as to why it can and will work for you.

Self Improvement Leadership Training With Fire

The idea of this writing seems slightly unusual at best. If you are anything like me, you hear the term “fire pit” and quickly think of summer camp, late nights on the beach, and blowing out flaming marshmallows before stuffing the ooey-gooey mess in your mouth. Your mind never goes to the idea that you could achieve self-improvement or leadership skills around a bonfire, does it? This thought is as new for me as for you, but think on the idea and give it a try.

First and foremost, to be a leader, one must be confident. For many people, confidence does not come naturally, meaning it must be learned and worked for. Another reality is that having confidence is typically more of a mental battle for people than anything else. Your lack of confidence is directly related to a perceived weakness. Before you take on any leadership roles, you should be able to confidently put behind you any perceived weakness which will hinder your leadership abilities.

The first exercise in self-improvement is to give your mind a practical means of letting go of these weaknesses. You should begin by writing down a perceived weakness on one half of a piece of paper. On the other half of the paper, you should write down a positive thought to counteract the weakness. If you know of many weaknesses, make a sheet for each one.

You will then conduct a burning ceremony around the fire pit which may be completed all at once or in pieces. As you physically see “weakness paper” burning in the fire pit, you are mentally agreeing to relinquish these negative thoughts. In their place, you are grabbing hold of the positive thoughts about your strengths or your ability to overcome the weaknesses.

For some, burning all of the papers in one week may simply be too much. Your mind may not be able to practically rid itself of so many negative thoughts replaced by positive thoughts at one time. Instead, you may only want to burn one paper per week as a way to focus specifically on removing one weakness every couple of days. This will give you time to practice and improve in one area before moving on to the next.

A person who is confident and positive will be able to lead others. When you have attained this ability, share it with those you lead in order to help them reach their full potential.

The Lion's Guide to Courage Under Fire

As Andrew Lloyd Webber begins his search for Dorothy in his new production of The Wizard of Oz, I’m exploring the key challenges faced by the principle characters in this story.

I begin with the Lion’s search for courage and why this could desert us in times of trouble.

Let’s take Louisa Lyons – the contemporary character who appears in my book. She’s being bullied by her boss, but feels powerless to do anything about this. Despite being a fearless sportswoman in her spare time – she’s a completely sissy at work and lets her boss walk all over her.

But what is courage and where do you find it when you need it, when you’re under fire…?

For instance what do you need to carry on when you’ve been made redundant, after a relationship breakdown or the death of a loved one?. What do you need when considering trying something you’ve never tried before or when launching a new concept? What resources can you call on when dealing with difficult or aggressive people, or overcoming and handling debt?

I’ve come up with 9 ideas…if you have another to add, I’d like to hear from you

Courage is…

1. 
   Quiet dignity. Its remaining calm and poised, when all around you are running around like headless chickens

Acting decisively. Sometimes the only way to solve a persistent problem is to refuse to tolerate any situation that compromises your values. But this requires the courage to stand up for what you believe in, stick your head above the parapet and court controversy. But isn’t it more exciting to be known for being a bit daring…rather than a sheep?

Taking responsibility for your own actions, and resisting the temptation to take the easy way out. Pointing the finger or blaming external circumstances for your own misfortune only wastes time doesn’t it – time you could be spending on solving the problem.

Adapting to change. Sometimes it can be hard to accept that if something isn’t working you may need to consider changing directions, letting go and starting again

Standing up for yourself. Why run with the pack or allow others to make decisions on your behalf? I’ve learnt that to my cost. If you accept that your job is to work at becoming better at being YOU, nobody can do that job better than you can.

Acceptance. When you accept yourself just as you are and no longer need the approval of others, to achieve your objectives may mean leaving behind people who don’t validate, support or encourage you. If others don’t believe in you or are working on their own agenda to compensate for their own shortcomings, does that really serve you?

Moving out of your comfort zone. Trying something new, sometimes without really knowing or having the comfort or certainty in the outcome, can be both daunting but incredibly exciting. But you have to leave the shore to find out, don’t you?

Pressing on despite fear, pain, disappointment and loss. Because in the end, quitting isn’t always the best solution. As they say, pain is temporary – quitting lasts forever…

Listening to your inner voice (no matter how quiet that may be), paying attention to it, trusting it and having the guts to go with your gut

Fill in the blank…what do you think courage is…?

Overcoming Low Self-Esteem With Inner Peace

Low self esteem occurs when you have a poor opinion of yourself. The problem is that based on this opinion, you often think thoughts like this:

“I am really no good at this.”

“Why can’t I be like him/her.”

“I am too stupid to improve myself.”

If you have been made aware of inner peace, then learned about how to find it, then constantly positioned yourself in it, these thoughts will no longer bother you (whether they occur or not).

That’s because being in a state of inner peace separates you from your thoughts and causes you to watch your thoughts like a movie.

If you’re watching a movie and someone on the screen said, “I am such a pile of crap,” would you care? That’s someone saying it in a movie about themselves, not about you, a person in the audience.

In the same vein, next time you think, “I am such a pile of crap,” remember to quickly step back and be a witness to your thinking. “I am such a pile of crap,” is just your mind talking about itself, not you. You’re the one who’s watching your mind.

As a matter of fact, anything you think is just your mind talking, not you talking. And you should always position yourself as a witness to your thoughts. If you are a witness to all your thinking, then you are yourself free of all thought. If you are free of all thought, you can never be agitated, because agitation occurs when you are involved in some disturbing thought process or the other. You are in a state of perfect inner peace.

This is how inner peace triumphs over low self-esteem (as well as a whole lot of other mental conditions).

Start witnessing your thoughts today!

Joy Trumps Massive Action

There are several circumstances that kick us into high gear. That gear where your mind says, “OH MY GOSH!! I’ve got so much to do to make this happen.”

Some circumstances that my clients report massive action overdose are:

• Cash-flow crisis

Giving presentations

Moving

Preparing for a long vacation

Launching a new business, product, or service

Creating a website

Hosting a party

Business travel

Preparing for a child’s birth

Handling the affairs of a deceased friend or family member

Selling a house or business

So, I’m sure being the mover and shaker that you are, you can add many more action stimulants to this list.

It is very important to avoid the frazzled state that comes with massive action overload. You may be asking yourself if this is even possible. Not only is it possible, it’s a crying shame to have it be any other way than an easy, flowing process to get the job or preparation done.

You have to start with a bit of strategy. Always start with the end in mind. What is your ideal outcome for this event or project? How do you want to feel during the execution of it? It’s not okay with me that you get all amped up in a negative way when you have something big in front of you. Totally unnecessary. Really!

Next, you’ve got to write all those actions down. Get them out of your head and on to the paper. Don’t delay this step. You instantly feel grounded by making a list. Then, check to see if all of your action items are congruent with your ideal outcome.

Delete any actions that don’t really need to be done to get your desired outcome.

Can you delegate any items? I know this one is hard for all you do-it-yourselfers and don’t-want-to-impose-on-anyone types.

Now, after all that is complete, you have to make a decision that you’re not going to worry about getting it all done at this moment. In fact, you need to make a decision to do the things on the list that will give you the most relief first. Then go for the ones that seem easy or fun. Don’t get attached to the order in which you “think” they are supposed to get done..

You see, you feeling joyful or at ease while being in action is the only thing that will make this job get done in excellence. It will also keep you sane. Feeling good trumps massive action when it comes to manifesting things in a speedy and delightful way. And if getting the job done with ease isn’t one of your ideal outcomes, then you need to shift your tolerance for pain. The easy way out is always the best way.

Why People Use Coaches to Get Through Life

I can hear my Father now. “You need a coach? You want somebody to tell you what to do? I got your coach! Take those clippers and go coach the hedge!” That is what my union man of a father thought about paying someone to do your thinking for you.

A coach does not do your thinking for you. A coach is someone who has played the game and learned some lessons along the way. For example, I consider Suze Orman to be one of my money coaches. She worked as a waitress, then came up through the ranks and learned how to make a lot of money and then invest it or hang on to it. Had it not been for her, I never would have looked at my own money situation through the eyes of an interest payer and receiver. I was shocked when I learned how much interest that I was paying when I first started organizing my money.

A life coach works the same way. Because a life coach has specific training, but no specific undergraduate requirements, you will find many what I call posers lurking in the bushes, so you need to choose a coach carefully. You might find one that is recommended by a friend that is like you, or seeking similar results in life. There are many reputable training programs for life coaches which can help in strategically organizing your goals.

As individuals, we generally do not take the necessary time to lay all of our cards on the table like a money coach would do with our bills. A trained coach can help a person to take a look at several areas of life and evaluate each one. In a few simple sessions, a person can see if it is one area that is causing distress in other areas. For instance, if a person shows 5% satisfaction in their work life, they may see that their emotional, spiritual, and family life are scoring lower, as well. If they can target one area of dissatisfaction that is deteriorating other areas, they can work to strengthen that area which will put their wheel of life back on track.

Coaching is not therapy. A coach will not try to pull emotions out of you. A coach will open the play book, ask you specific questions about your goals, then encourage you to find the answers one step at a time. Coaches often encourage a person to get past their own fear of decision making where a family member or loved one might instill fear in order to maintain the status quo.

Everyone deserves to accomplish their dreams. For a person faced with major job, relocation, or other personal decisions, coaching has been shown to bring rationale to the decision making process. Some choose to meet with a coach by telephone which has become a popular way to check in with yourself and your accomplishments or struggles for the week. With a coach, it is all about you.

The Advantages of Keeping a Daily Journal

Even if you don’t consider yourself to be a writer, keeping a daily journal can be a great idea. Writing on a daily basis can help you learn to express yourself better, and can be a good way to release daily stress. It doesn’t matter what you write about or how much you write, since the important thing is that you are doing is just for yourself.

One of the things that people often find strange when they start keeping a journal is the fact that they are free to write about whatever they want. In our daily lives, we often have to write about many different things, whether for school, work, or other purposes. However, in these other situations we are often told what we are supposed to be writing about, such as a report, term paper or sales proposal. When keeping a journal, you can just write about whatever inspires you each day.

This type of writing can also be an effective way of venting your anger, frustration or unhappiness. Most people find that even though they are harboring a lot of pent-up anger or frustration when they first sit down, by the time they are done writing these negative feelings have dissipated. It is almost as though the mere act of writing your feelings down on paper can help you better manage your emotions and thoughts.

It is also a lot of fun to write down the happy and funny things in your life so that you can look back and enjoy them later. So many times we simply forget the interesting things that happen to us in our daily lives. Writing them down in a journal can be a great way of saving these memories to not only enjoy personally, but also to leave behind for future generations as a little glimpse into your daily life.

Speed Reading - Should You Learn It?

Is speed reading a useful skill for you? To answer this question, you first need to understand if you have a practical use for such a skill, and also what the concept of ‘reading’ really means to you.

Speed reading skills, which are broadly based on principles of photographic memory and visual stimulation, have both their uses and limitations. For instance, it makes no sense if, at the end, the reader is clueless about what he or she has read.

Such skills are only of any tangible use if they yield a minimum 90% comprehension rate. If such a rate is not achievable, reading at twice or thrice the normal speed can be a futile exercise and even create a lot of problems.

People who can benefit from the ability to read more rapidly than usual include high school or college student who has to wade through sheaves of written material to go through as you increase your level of education.

Businesspersons, such as clerks and executives, also need to constantly process a lot of memos and material, so speed reading can be very useful in such professions. After all, what often matters most for them is being able to remember facts and figures that have vital business relevance.

However, speed reading is probably the biggest boon for those who have reading disabilities. It has been established that approximately 10-15% of all children have problems with normal reading, resulting in much slower reading speeds despite the fact that their mental capabilities are sound. In such cases, it makes sense to acquire speed reading skills, because these can improve learning and comprehension despite the reading difficulties.

For those who have attention deficit disorder (or ADD) speed reading skills can make a decisive difference. The techniques applied in such skills cause the mind to process pages of a book fast enough to prevent boredom from setting in. Since those who have ADD are subject to rapid deterioration of interest in tasks at hand, speed reading can stop their attention from wandering.

Those who have no real problems with reading or do not need to process large volumes of information regularly should remember that this is not a skill that should be used for all reading.

No matter how proficient one becomes at it, it still involves skimming written material rather than digesting it in its fullest essence. Obviously, it makes no sense to apply such principles to reading done for leisure, since most of the enjoyment would be lost in the manic rush to get through the pages.

What Affirmations Can Do For Your Life

Affirmations are positive statements we say to ourselves. It is the expression of self talk we have with ourselves. We can change our lives using affirmations. Start using them to see the difference.

We are always talking to ourselves in our minds. It is filled with positive words when we are in a good mood and with negative words when we are in a negative mood. We can changer our mindset with
repeating affirmations.

All of us want to make changes in our health, wealth and the way we feel about ourselves. We wish for good health, abundant wealth and confidence while we interact with the world with high self esteem and self confidence. All this can be achieved using affirmations consciously and diligently.

You can improve your health….

Repeating affirmations of good health while visualizing it will help you feel energetic and enthusiastic.
For example affirming ‘I am full of energy and enthusiasm’ will definitely make you feel better as you are expressing a statement in the present tense which makes it a reality. You can use different
affirmations to affirm your health according to how you want to feel!

You can improve your wealth….

You can enhance your wealth and wealth building skills by affirming in the positive like this affirmation ‘The riches of the world comes to me effortlessly’. The action of affirming and visualizing that you have access to all riches in the world will give you the confidence to go with confidence to make your
riches.

You can improve your self esteem….

Self esteem is what you feel about your self and when you feel good about yourself you can protect yourself from the negativity that knocks at you. Repeating affirmations like ‘I radiate love and respect and in return I get love and respect’ helps you build your relationships. When you feel loved you feel an increase in your self worth and self esteem.

Ever Made an Excuse For Your Excuses?

I know for a fact that every one of us has. Some make more excuses than others, but at one point or another we all are guilty of making excuses of some kind. What becomes even funnier or amusing is when we make excuses for our excuses, or in other words, justifications for us justifying the reasons why we can not accomplish certain things. We have all heard many excuses of different kinds. Why we are fat, or why we are not making more money or why we are not where you want to be in life. Excuses are just imaginary road blocks which we place in front of ourselves.

“I am Fat” one might say, the excuse could be “no time to exercise” and our excuse, or justification, for not exercising, could be,”because I work too much”…. or “I have kids”…. or “My favorite TV show is on at that time”. All of these might be legitimate excuses, especially if you do have to spend hours at a job and/or have children to raise and take care of. However at the end of the day they are still just excuses why you can not achieve a desired outcome. There are so many ways for someone with a busy schedule and raising children to lose weight, there are several. If the desire is there then there is always a way.

Another excuse that one person might make is not having enough money. Reasons could be many. No Job, they were recently down sized, right sized, or super sized. If you were a Realtor or mortgage broker 5-6 years ago and have had a staggering decline in income then the excuse might be “no one is buying homes right now.” The excuse made to justify why no one is buying homes might be because “the economy is down.” The economy being down is the reason why no one is buying homes and is the reason why you aren’t making money.

lets take a look at the above example. You want to make more money (GOAL) but you can not because no one is buying houses right now (EXCUSE). The reason no one is buying homes right now is because the economy is down (Excuse to justify the 1st Excuse). The point of this article is not to teach how to make more money or how to lose weight, but rather to show a pattern that many people display.

If you have a goal, a desired outcome, then do all you can to achieve it. One of the reasons many people do not reach there goals (in life, business, relationship, etc…)and allow excuses to rob them of that gift is the following. THEIR MOTIVE WASN’T STRONG ENOUGH. It is that simple. lack of determination and lack of motive will always leave the door wide open for procrastination and a long list of excuses. If your WHY is big enough then the HOW wont matter.

If you found out that you were a walking heart attack waiting to happen what MIGHT be your motivating factor???? Perhaps living longer, or not wanting to leave your children without a parent. Those are just motives and will keep you going when the going gets tough, but without a motivating factor or reason then excuses will almost always be present.

I heard a man say once “If you only WANT to make something happen you will do what is CONVENIENT. If you are COMMITTED to making something happen you will do WHATEVER it takes.” That is the great difference between people who are where they want to be in life and from those who aren’t. They make less excuses. They still make them from time to time because of human nature, but they make less of them, and NEVER make excuses when it comes to the important things.

We are well into this year of 2010. Think about the goals that were placed on the 1st of Jan. If you are on track to achieving them then congratulations! If you are not then WHY? There can be several legitimate reasons, like a death in the family or a very ill family member, those are legitimate reasons in my book. However, from my observations, what I have noticed is that most reasons for not doing something we know we should be doing are just excuses to try to prove to one’s self why they are not achieving what they initially set out to do. Making excuses robs us of opportunities of progression, making excuses for our excuses will eventually rob us of self worth and self esteem.

Coping With Crises - A Lesson Learned From an Oyster

Deep in the sea lays an oyster. It has no legs, nor does it have a degree from a university you may have heard of. Nevertheless, this unpresuming creature holds a secret to coping. And its secret is ancient as it is timeless.

Normally, an oyster exudes as substance called nacre from its mantle organ. The nacre is deposited to build the oyster shell – its home, shield and defense from the world. When the oyster faces a cut or invasion of a foreign body, it uses that ingrained behavior of nacre secretion toward an entirely new end. As a response to the “dis-ease”, layer after layer of nacre it secretes, isolating the source of its pain, until it heals. In the healing process, something extraordinary is created: a pearl, the very pearl we adore and adorn.

In the face of a crisis, we too may want to go back for some oyster wisdom. First, identify that it is a crisis you are facing. Next, look inside. Oyster speaking, look into your personal shell. What resource would you need to tackle the circumstances you are facing? Is it assertiveness? Is nurturing yourself what is needed?

Now think to a time you used this particular resource. It was probably used for an entirely different cause. That’s o.k. For example, I bet you will find that you had plenty of assertiveness when you had to defend your child that was bullied at school. Oh, and remember that time you nurtured your friend back to sanity after the brutal breakup she had gone through?

What have you discovered? You have the resources.

It is time to apply the same resources toward a different goal. And that, my friend, can be a daunting prospect, no matter how courageous a soul you are. Now may be a good time to remind yourself that if an oyster does it, so will you. After all, oysters don’t set out expecting to use their building skills to face some calamity and produce gems in the process, either. Oysters adapted that coping behavior because it works.

Carry your bullied child’s image in your mind, then go and assert yourself with your present day bully. Use the nurturing skill you already excel at, this time, to nurture yourself! Carry a picture of your heart broken roommate if you need a reminder that you indeed possess the resource. And then, as Adrianna Truet termed, “practice self-care”: Twenty minutes a day, o.k. 10 minutes, of personal time to read, meditate, browse through the magazine section of a store with a latte in hand, or cook a healthy breakfast can go a long way to nurture a depleted, over-extended self.

What is the benefit? Not only will you have resolved your crisis in the best way possible, you will most likely end up with the unexpected “pearl”. For some the pearl is a healthier relationship at work where bullies are somewhat domesticated, for others – a better relationship at home; because when we practice self-care, we are all better at taking care of others. And then, to top it off, there is that intoxicating, liberating feeling of well earned empowerment and personal growth. The oyster shows us that the skill has existed for millennia. Isn’t time we harness it afresh today?