Deep in the sea lays an oyster. It has no legs, nor does it have a degree from a university you may have heard of. Nevertheless, this unpresuming creature holds a secret to coping. And its secret is ancient as it is timeless.
Normally, an oyster exudes as substance called nacre from its mantle organ. The nacre is deposited to build the oyster shell – its home, shield and defense from the world. When the oyster faces a cut or invasion of a foreign body, it uses that ingrained behavior of nacre secretion toward an entirely new end. As a response to the “dis-ease”, layer after layer of nacre it secretes, isolating the source of its pain, until it heals. In the healing process, something extraordinary is created: a pearl, the very pearl we adore and adorn.
In the face of a crisis, we too may want to go back for some oyster wisdom. First, identify that it is a crisis you are facing. Next, look inside. Oyster speaking, look into your personal shell. What resource would you need to tackle the circumstances you are facing? Is it assertiveness? Is nurturing yourself what is needed?
Now think to a time you used this particular resource. It was probably used for an entirely different cause. That’s o.k. For example, I bet you will find that you had plenty of assertiveness when you had to defend your child that was bullied at school. Oh, and remember that time you nurtured your friend back to sanity after the brutal breakup she had gone through?
What have you discovered? You have the resources.
It is time to apply the same resources toward a different goal. And that, my friend, can be a daunting prospect, no matter how courageous a soul you are. Now may be a good time to remind yourself that if an oyster does it, so will you. After all, oysters don’t set out expecting to use their building skills to face some calamity and produce gems in the process, either. Oysters adapted that coping behavior because it works.
Carry your bullied child’s image in your mind, then go and assert yourself with your present day bully. Use the nurturing skill you already excel at, this time, to nurture yourself! Carry a picture of your heart broken roommate if you need a reminder that you indeed possess the resource. And then, as Adrianna Truet termed, “practice self-care”: Twenty minutes a day, o.k. 10 minutes, of personal time to read, meditate, browse through the magazine section of a store with a latte in hand, or cook a healthy breakfast can go a long way to nurture a depleted, over-extended self.
What is the benefit? Not only will you have resolved your crisis in the best way possible, you will most likely end up with the unexpected “pearl”. For some the pearl is a healthier relationship at work where bullies are somewhat domesticated, for others – a better relationship at home; because when we practice self-care, we are all better at taking care of others. And then, to top it off, there is that intoxicating, liberating feeling of well earned empowerment and personal growth. The oyster shows us that the skill has existed for millennia. Isn’t time we harness it afresh today?
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