On Being Molested

I was molested as a child. Several times. By two different babysitters, (I was 4 and 6) and twice by extended family members. (Once when I was 7, and I’ll talk more about that one later because it had the most devastating effect on my psyche, and once when I was twelve) I am now admitting and writing about this because these events affected my entire life growing up. These experiences also had a profound effect on how I viewed my personal worth as a human being.

When you’re four years old, and you are molested, the experience is more of a sensational curiosity to you. You have no real idea that what’s being done is wrong, except that it just feels wrong and for the secrecy on the part of the perpetrator. He or she acts secretive. So that’s what gives you, the victim, the sense that it’s wrong. Guilt ensues. When you’re six years old, while you still have the sense that it needs to be kept secret, you now have a sense of your sexuality. You also begin to sense this type of activity will “get” you attention.

In my article “When Did I Learn My Personal Worth?” – If we as individuals learn from an early age that our feelings don’t matter, that our “needs” are not met nor are they a priority, and we get “lost in the crowd” of other siblings, we form beliefs about ourselves. These beliefs instill in us that we are unimportant. That we don’t really matter. At least not much. Even our concept of our own personal safety may be in question.

When I was seven years old, my parents left me and my little sister in the care of some older teenage cousins while they and my aunt and uncle went out. Very late, one of my older male cousins came to my sleeping bag and got me up and over to the couch. He was 13 years old and basically “went through the motions” of a sexual act with me. This was the most detailed I had ever been molested, and while I had no idea what he was doing, I definitely felt that whatever it was, was wrong! But to me, that wasn’t the worst part. When he was finished, he put me back to bed and leaned down, kissed me on my cheek and quietly said “Pray to God to forgive us!” I felt like the sky had fallen in! At that very moment, the guilt I felt made me feel like the worst human being who ever lived!

That single event caused me to believe that I was very “bad” and probably didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone! I felt shame, guilt and that I had the “wrath of God” on me for the next 48 years! Needless to say, I became very promiscuous during my teenage years because I felt so worthless as a human being, that in order to feel any value at all, I had to do what boys wanted me to do.

However, a few years ago, I experienced the biggest emotional breakthrough of my life. I had a very kind person work with me using the art of NLP that included some specific NLP processes. I learned that behind every behavior there is a positive intention – not necessarily an appropriate intention, but positive to the person doing the behavior. What “was in it” for those that molested me? Not immediately being able to ask them outright all I can do is assume that either they were molested themselves and they felt that this behavior was “normal”, and / or they needed to feel “loved” in some perverted way and chose me to help them do that. Can I forgive them for it? I can now. It could have been much worse for me. They could have killed me and threw me in a hole somewhere but didn’t. So for that I am grateful. I have my life.

In reality, that kind of behavior perpetrated on a victim, either at random or a specifically chosen victim because he or she is “convenient”, can take years, even a lifetime to overcome the hurtful effects.

It comes down to this: When a person “molests” another, and the word “molest” is too kind of a word, he or she takes something that is the most precious to the victim. Their dignity is stripped from them – against their will – by having their most personal, private parts used for the perpetrator’s own selfish gratification. The result is the victim’s sense of personal value, his or her very worth as a human being is stolen in such a careless, ruthless manner. The victim then has to redefine his or her “self” and the world around them from that point on. One of two things can happen: Either they eventually go “in search” of love, and that can be an artificial love through multiple unsatisfying sex partners, or they become so introverted out of fear of this indignity being perpetrated on them again that they often have difficulty trusting another person or allowing themselves to commit to any kind of rel ationship.

But the victim also has another choice: The choice to not REMAIN a victim!

He or she had the traumatic experience or experiences forced on them by being taken advantage of by another person or persons who were mentally or emotionally incapable of finding love, feeling loved or showing love. They are essentially handicapped in this manner, “hobbling” around like they are crippled, which they are. People who force their will on others have many more “issues” than sexually assaulting another. Did I “ask” for those experiences to occur in my life? Absolutely not! Did I do something to give these persons reason to think I “wanted” it to happen? Absolutely not! Was it my fault? A resounding absolutely not! Where are these people today? One is divorced from his wife, in his 60’s and trying to “find himself”, living a very lonely life. The other is lying in a hospital bed, dealing with drug addiction and other health issues resulting from a life long use of drugs and alcohol. I however, am left standing, happy, productive, and have many people who love and care for me! The babysitters? I have no idea.

In order to function as a productive, normal, resourceful human being, I had to realize that these people who “molested” me are “sick”, albeit emotionally and mentally, but sick nonetheless. There is nothing at all wrong with me. I have the right, and always have, of being treated with dignity, respect for my body, mind and feelings, and of loving and being loved. I deserve to “take up space” in this world simply because I am! With the benefit of NLP, I have let it go.

Self-Improvement Tips : How to Overcome Shyness

What should be the opposite of a book on self improvement?

Right now this is the last thing I want to read on … So what should I get? Some Nietzsche or something?

Bilble Bible Bible not bad bad sucks hahahahahahaha