The Five Stages of Grief
Everyone will encounter the loss of someone or something during one’s lifetime. Most people have more than one significant loss over the span of a lifetime. The grief that accompanies a loss can feel unbearable. A person may not realize it, but grief is part of the healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering one must endure after the loss of something dear. A death of a family member, or friend, or a treasured pet, or divorce, is cause for grief. Disappointment due to the loss of a job, career, or even the foreclosure of a home can cause intense disappointment. Grief can also be very intense due to a physically debilitating handicap caused by accident, crime, or disease.
According to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the healing process comes in five stages of grief. People endure grief in different ways. Sometimes one can remain in one of the first four stages for many months. One’s situation will be emotionally painful unless one can progress to the fifth and final stage – acceptance.
It’s important to note, most of us have the empathy or compassion to recognize that the loss caused by death, debilitation, or even divorce can be significant and create a deep depression; however, a disappointment in a financial or social standing can be devastating and just as emotionally debilitating. One loses the belief in himself/herself. An individual’s accomplishments in life are a direct result of the right choices one has made in his/her lifetime. When these accomplishments or rewards are lost or taken away, whether by fault or no fault of the individual, it is heartbreaking.
One begins to feel worthless, especially if he/she can no longer provide for their family. Financial burdens can be so overwhelming that they destroy one’s soul. These burdens can make one angry, and take away an individual’s self-esteem, so much so one will begin to question every decision he or she has ever made. Escaping those feelings of fear and inadequacy can cause even the most sophisticated person to make dreadful decisions, even self-destructive decisions that hurt those they love. People often do not think of the five stages of grief as being applicable to this type of loss or disappointment; however, one who is suffering as a result of a financial loss or setback needs to be supported and validated just as any other loss.
FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF EXPLAINED:
1. Denial and Isolation: At first one does not want to believe what has happened, and withdraws or detaches oneself from one’s ordinary social circumstances. This stage could last a little while, or many months.
2. Anger: The emotions of the grief stricken person may take on these feelings in the form of anger. One may be furious at the individual who imposed this pain. Many individuals, even though, as prudent people, realize nothing could have prevented the situation, but feel personally responsible and blame themselves.
3. Bargaining with God: It normal for the one grieving to make bargains with God or his/her higher power. One will often ask, “I will do this (particular thing), if you, God, will take this loss and pain away?”
4. Depression: The individual is frequently engulfed in an emotional numbness and fog, and there is anger and deep sadness remaining under the surface, ready to bubble up. It is difficult to maintain one’s composure, and one is often brought to tears. This depression can leave one listless and melancholy for weeks or months. It is important to seek the assistance of a counselor, so he or she can facilitate in the healing process.
5. Acceptance: After the anger, depression, and these melancholy feelings have subsided, the individual eventually acknowledges the authenticity of the loss.
GRIEF AND STRESS
Due to the grief and stresses of the situation, it is normal to have conflicting emotions. Being despondent, expressing feelings of anger, feeling abandoned, feeling ashamed, and/or emotionally distressed frequently are associated with serious feelings or loss. Because of numerous tenacious, negative emotions about the loss, this can result in extremely stressful feelings and a decrease in self-esteem.
The avoidance of dealing with these emotional feelings caused by the loss can result in failure to address the five stages of grief successfully. It is necessary to confront these poignant and sensitive situations to achieve good emotional health once again. Refusing to accept feelings like the sensations of mental despondency, results in a more difficult manner in which to achieve mental health and a healthy physical body than facing the hard choice of going through the five stages of grief. When one hears or thinks of the old cliche, “keep your chin up,” or other ways of shutting off these complicated emotions, one may feel obliged to deny or conceal these emotions.
Doing this will only exacerbate the negative emotional health of the individual. The consequence of this problem results in the person continuing to feel these negative emotions and sometimes dwell on these emotions, and it will take much more time for the healing process to become real. Every person is different, and recognizing how personal the acceptance of a loss in various situations, depends on the person. It is imperative to acknowledge and believe that you will eventually get through this.
RECOVERING FROM GRIEF
With the assistance of a good support group, such as, family and friends, one will heal at an accelerated pace. If one has caring, listening friends, and can share his/her sincere feelings; the healing process is fostered. There are many wonderful counselors willing and eager to help in this process of healing.
It is important to eat a well-balance diet, drink only non-alcoholic drinks, and get enough sleep. This person needs to be aware not to depend on medications, and should discuss the circumstances with his/her physician concerning the matter. Exercise is especially important. Exercise increases the endorphins in the brain, and helps overcome the emotional swings and feelings of depression.
The majority of individuals are unprepared for the emotions that accompany grief. Frequently, tragedy strikes so abruptly and unexpectedly, no one is ever prepared or forewarned. Mourning comes as an additional shock. Even if one is expecting death, or something like the loss of a job, or a foreclosure, it is difficult to be emotionally prepared. It is imperative to take care of the self. Self-care habits should constantly be practiced. The shock and dismay of a death or loss of a job, foreclosure, or divorce, or whatever the loss may consist of, self-care is helpful in overcoming the pain and sorrow until one can accept the unfortunate circumstances of life. Self-care discipline helps one to overcome the depression and emotional pain.
If one is facing a foreclosure or loss of a career, this can be just as traumatic and difficult to deal with as a death. Many individuals can lose their motivation during stressful periods like this. They need some emotional encouragement and support to find a solution to these circumstances. When statements come due, it is complicated and demanding emotionally to take care of the paper work and make the calls necessary to solve these problems. Grief, worry, and disappointment can cause various negative feelings to erupt from nowhere
REFERENCE- Dr Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth. Five stages of grief. Retrieved March 10, 2010 from the World Wide Web
http://www.memorialhospital.org/library/general/stress-the-3.html
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