Imagine you are confident, self assured, you know that you will handle what ever comes your way! You are not phased by outside influences. You are focused and clear about what you want and how to get it. Everything flows for you.You achieve your goals, you are relaxed and happy most of the time. Great opportunities come your way effortlessly, people say you are so ‘lucky’ when great things happen to you!.
Sound like a dream? completely different from your life, where the reality is that you find it hard to communicate with people because you are shy, and unsure of yourself. Your relationship is in tatters, you don’t seem to be able to talk with your husband/partner anymore.
You continuously second guess yourself, so you are never sure if what you are doing is right or wrong,
You always feel like you are never quite good enough!
You feel undervalued at work and at home, and feel everyone takes advantage of you! Your views just don’t seem to register, or matter.
Sometimes you wonder if it is all worthwhile.
You want to be more confident, outgoing and assertive, yet you just don’t know where to start!
Being confident is something you can learn to do just like you learnt to ride a bike, or read a book or drive a car.
In NLP (neurolinguistic programming) terms, confidence is what is called a resourceful state, (which means it is a good one to have!)
Other resourceful states are being excited, calm, relaxed, purposeful, focused.
Unresourceful states on the other hand are also learnt, for example, anger, shame,anxiety,to name just a few.
“How do I learn to be confident, I have always been shy, that is just the way I am….” I hear you say – remember what it was like when you learnt to drive the car? you had to practice, and practice until you did it automatically, and after a while you just did it, without thinking.You also had someone to show you how to drive, at least in the beginning….
Once you realise you can learn to be more confident, it gives you choices in the way you do things.
Here are my tips to get you started
* Observe how confident people behave, ie stand tall, make eye contact, smile, speak clearly, no umms, or aahs.
* Believe that you can be more confident, create a strong sense of self belief, which supports you as you push through your fear.
* Practice your new skills by getting yourself out there, enrolling for a class, going to a networking meeting, talking to someone at work, who you previously have avoided.
* Visualise how you will feel when you are confident and outgoing, what will you feel like, what will you sound like, how will you stand. By practicing these new behaviours you create new neural pathways in your brain, and gradually with practice and repetition, they become the norm for you. Remember the your brain does not know the difference between real or imagined so pretend for a while!
* Keep your gremlin (your self talk) under control, congratulate yourself on any small steps you take, and change the negative self talk to more supportive chatter.
* Remember that stepping out of your comfort zone in this way can be challenging and sometimes a little painful, however it also is how you grow as a person and how you start to see lots of opportunities you would not have normally seen if you were hiding at home.
* Congratulate yourself and celebrate each small step, because eventually each small step becomes a staircase to lead you to a much higher level!
Improve Low Self Esteem Confidence Self Improvement
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